April 22, 2004: The last full measure

SPERAH, Afghanistan - At first glance, it looks like it's the ultimate story of sacrifice. A professional athlete walks away from his lucrative NFL career to enlist in the Army Rangers, goes off to war, dies in that war, and is lauded as a hero to his country. It's a pefect portrait of American heroism and selflessness.

But look closer, and that picture has some flaws. The questions start forming. Why did the military leaders wait until after Pat Tillman's funeral to tell his family that when he was killed on April 22, 2004, in a skirmish with the Taliban, that he actually was killed by friendly fire? Does an accidental death at the hands of your fellow Rangers mean less to the country than one dealt by the enemy? Is he less of a hero because of it?

A still closer look, and the picture is even more muddled. What's with the reports that his fellow soldiers burned Tillman's armor and personal journal after his death? Or with the word that he died of three close-range bullet holes to the head? And did I hear right that the doctor performing his autopsy wrote in his report that Tillman was murdered? What's going on here?

Now the picture is so distorted and damaged that it's tough to look at. What's going on with stories that say he considered the invasion of Iraq to be illegal? That he was going to personally meet with anti-war activist Noam Chomsky? You know, if people start putting two and two together....

Very few people know why Pat Tillman gave up his NFL career to fight, first in Iraq, then Afghanistan. He never spoke about it publicly. It's possible the only people he told were his brother, who enlisted with him, and his wife. He was 25 years old when he walked away from a certain long-term contract with the Cardinals to fight in the war. But it's not important why he did it. It was his life, and it was his right to do with it as he saw fit.

When Tillman died, he immediately became the poster child for the war in Iraq and Afghanistan. His picture was splashed across the sports pages and world news pages alike, putting a human face on the sacrifices of the soldiers who died in combat. He was the proof of the righteousness of the war. As more information about his death surfaced and the details painted a darker and darker picture, he has become a poster child of a different kind. He has now become the example of the injustice of the war, the human face representing the people who needlessly died.

I can't sit here and say how Tillman would have preferred to be remembered. My guess is he wouldn't have wanted to be rememered at all, but who knows? I just know that, for better or for worse, his death on April 22, 2004, will remain his legacy.

I'll remember a different man, though. I'll remember the guy for the Cardinals who was truly willing to do anything to help his team win. When their kicker got injured during a game one season, the Cardinals were stuck in a bind; they could easily eschew field goal or extra point attempts, but what about kickoffs? Who would handle those? Looking for volunteers, their coach saw Tillman, a safety who had never kicked before, step up. His kickoffs weren't great. They couldn't even be considered good. But he was the only one willing to do it.

That's the Tillman I'll remember. That game is the reason I knew who he was before he joined the Rangers. It's too bad that for the rest of the world, he'll be remembered as a guy who died far too young.